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'If you're going to interfere with my work with such a trivial thing, get out now. I don't want to hear your love confession and I don't care.’
Why haven't I thought that I'd be kicked out so coldly?
'……I can't do that.’
'……What?'
'I won't move a single step out of this room until I hear that you love me.’
It was almost the last step. That much, I became shabby myself and gone smaller. But on the day that I would explode, I decided to hang in there, which eventually resulted in even more wounds.
For instance, getting slapped by his thick hand.
'This... What's this......’
My cheeks are swollen red. The stinging of the cheeks that he laid a hand on, the pain of the moment he struck me. Every single sound of his breath stuck in my chest like a thorn, and the shock didn't go away.
'You seem to be mistaken.’
‘…….’
'My marriage to you does not entitle you to raise from your position, neither because I love you, nor do I care about you.’
He wasn't even giving me basic treatment as the Empress. That much he was indifferent to me, that much he ignored me. He knew it, too.
No matter how badly he treats me and tramples me, I can't leave him. Eventually, I will kneel down and crawl on the floor, and thirst for his affection.
'Never.'
He bent his knees and looked at me, putting strength in his voice. I was stifled by a trance of the moment even when every word pierced through me.
'Don't bother me.'
It was not long before I could feel even his coldness left my side. Even after he left, his body scent remained in the room, where I was left alone.
After staring blankly into space for a while, I soon began to cry.
My heart ached at his words, and I felt that there was no consideration for me at all for he's capable of physically hurting me, and yet I was pathetic enough to follow him around.
What I wanted wasn't like this. Something like this, I never thought about it.
Why?
At the end of this terrible dream, the image of me slumped on the floor crying dissolved into thin air, and another version of me was revealed in a dark illusion.
'Reina.'
It was definitely the first time. He walked directly into my room, he called my name, he hugged me so dearly.
The warmth of his cold body melted mine. His silvery eyes gazed down on me with a gentle look, and I couldn't get my act together. It's something I've imagined a hundred times. Did the world turn upside down?
I liked this. The moment was as dreamy as it was, and it was the happiest moment of my life. I wanted time to stop as it was. It was the brilliance that shone the most under all things. My mind became confused.
'Look forward to it.'
I was so stiff that I didn't know what to do. He buried me in his arms. His wide chest covered my sight and everything turned dark.
I still can't forget the happy stillness. I still can't forget the mint smell coming from him at that time.
'You're on my side.’
I remember my face burning with excitement at the sound of his voice tickling my ears. It was not long ago. I didn't know what that meant.
You're on my side.
I never notice he never said he was on my side. I don't know what kind of expression he's making behind my obscured vision, what's going to happen to me.
'What the hell is this……!’
The space was filled up once again by covering up the scattered 'me'.
It means this is the day I died.
Many soldiers surrounded me, among them the Emperor's wistful sword staring coldly at me.
'Are you unhappy?'
I never thought this would happen to me.
I was just following him, giving him what he asked me to do.
'Uh…… Why...?'
How come I'm a traitor to him?
'For the assassination of the Emperor, not only you will pay for it with death but everyone with the name of Scherne will pay!’
I tried to kill the Emperor? There was no such nonsense. It was hard for me to take his words properly. I lost my best friend before my eyes, and I also heard the collapse of my family.
It happened because of my rash behavior. I just did what he told me to do without thinking.
How stupid of me.
The sound of laughter aimed at me couldn't pierce my heart so much.
How should I describe the shock I felt of realizing that all of the kindness the other day was a lie?
He wasn't serious about me until the end. Not for a moment.
Yeah, there's no way he's gonna change in the first place. I was stupid. Nevertheless, it's not enough to let him go.
'I'll... I'll... Right now...... Die.'
'Death,' that one word is left to be lost. My eyes were draped with blood, and bleeding continued as my soul was dying. The next moment, seeing him fiercely raised his sword made my heart beat faster.
I closed my eyes tightly in grown fear. The afterimage stained with blood turned the empty space red.
With the sound of the blade cutting through the wind comes the sword piercing me.
'Aa—'
'Hah!'
Huh, huh.
I felt my whole body running with cold sweat. My eyes were moist with clear tears. I let out a rough breathing like mad.
Darkness came as if the red blood had covered everything.
"Milady, are you okay? What's going on?"
Sitting on the bed, trembling with a vague awareness, the door burst open, and Madame Giselle, who seemed surprised, rushed in with a worried look on her face.
"……I'm fine."
I barely calmed down when I saw her. Yeah, everyone is still here with me.
"But……."
"I just had a nightmare. Can you go out for a bit?"
Madame Giselle slowly left the room without removing her worried look.
Yeah, nightmares.
"No."
It's not a nightmare. The dark red blood splashed all over the place, the skin struck on the edge of the blade, and the deep hunger for his love until just before I ran out of breath are so vivid. It can never be a dream.
And at this moment, too, it wasn't a dream.
A few hours ago I ran out of the banquet hall crying and wandering the streets. I was wondering when this dream would wake up, and the bustle of the streets were so vivid. Not knowing how to control the surging emotions.
Meanwhile, I ran into Madame Giselle, who was looking around the streets for me. As soon as she saw me, she freaked out and made a fuss.
However, when I remained silent and said nothing, no more questions were asked of me.
She held me tightly in her arms. Absorbed in her warm embrace, I climbed into the carriage as if I'm under a spell.
In the rattling carriage. I shed tears as if I were letting go of everything and soon realized.
I've returned at the age of 17.
It was never easy to accept that fact. Who can easily accept such bizarre things?
And I never wanted to walk through life again. Not only didn't I want this situation, but I couldn't have the courage to handle the pain.
I thought this was a dream, but all this sensation was horrifyingly vivid. People passing through the carriage were clearly alive.
If this was a dream, there's enough time left to wake up by now. It was funny that I, who was not even alive in the first place but already dead, was dreaming.
Everything came back to 13 years ago. Like I never had those horrible days.
I stood in front of the mirror. The silky, fine red curly hair cascading down to the waist, and the thin lips overlying beautifully like red roses, were mature for a young age.
The slightly raised tip of the eyes was full of confidence, and the eyes shone with youthful vitality like rubies, and the white jade-like skin was soft and smooth. Everything was so pretty, including the cherry blossom-colored cheeks.
Why didn't I enjoy this youth then? I only fell in love with the Crown Prince and didn't see anything around me, and the end was self-destruction.
Who else can I blame, all this for my complacency? Regretting the past does not change the past.
But the past is now my future. So...
"It can be changed.”
I can change it.
Back at the age of 17, it may not be a terrible punishment to go through those days of pain again, but an opportunity to live a new life.
And I'm gonna take this opportunity.
I must.
After waking up from a dream, I sat on my bed and thought for a long time. Today I died, and today I got a new life.
I wonder if I can say it's a new life. Obviously, it has to be. I'll make it like that.
Duke Scherne.
It is one of the three major duke of the Empire and has been a legitimate family that has been deeply rooted since the first period of the founding of the country.
My father and mother died together in a carriage accident when I was young, and the current owner, Brother Alec, has two younger brothers, and the eldest and only younger sister, was me.
Most of the main tasks are done by Brother Alec, but Madame Giselle, who has been taking the place of my mother since childhood, has been handling the tasks a mistress of the house had to do such as managing the servants and people. That's because I was too young to handle such things as those.
But she only had the blood of a commoner who's served our family for generations. Of course, it is different from ordinary prominent people, but it means that the authority of the aristocracy is beyond measure.
Therefore, in this prestigious family, there was no woman higher than me.
Brother Alec, the commander of the Imperial Knights, who is seven years older than me, and Brother Nicholas, who's two years younger than Brother Alec were always listening to me with friendly faces.
Everyone treated me with respect and care.
There was nothing I wouldn't get, having lived a life of overflowing abundance with no bounds.
Even the Crown Prince, who ignored me like a bug, accepted my proposal. Even if it's to take advantage of me.
That was probably the problem. Having only grown up finely, I didn't pay heed at other people's lives and didn't have to roll my head over any situation. Even if I didn't have to use my brain, I already had everything in my hands.
It was a foolish illusion of a foolish girl who judged that the Crown Prince's heart could be obtained as easily as always.
What you want to have, you can't have. It was a whole new shock to me. I couldn't let him go even more because I was overwhelmed by that fact. Because I've never felt that way before.
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