━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━
If there is no regret in the face of death, it is a successful life. Then in my case, I'm a complete loser and a failure.
I dedicated all my life to love. I brought all of my things together and dedicated them to him. Never for a moment did I not think of him.
And yet for even a single moment, I couldn't get his attention.
“My life is beyond hope.”
Even at the last moment, he cut my body with a single stroke of his sword.
Why did I only realize it now? No, perhaps I already knew. Whatever I do, it's only his cold contempt that I'll receive.
"Huu… … why… … .”
A combination of tears and dark red blood covered my face. Even my breathing, I had squeezed out barely enough power to speak out a few words. Why? What the hell have I done wrong?
“Did you say you love me?”
I couldn't feel anything from him looking down at me with a smirk. No sympathy, no mercy, no love.
The reflection of myself in his eyes was a disheveled lesser woman.
I'm scared to see him approaching me wielding a silver blade with my blood on it. Nevertheless, my heart that's beating hard for him is disgusting.
"Huh? Why does my heart beat like this?”
As he looked down on me coldly, I trembled in fear. He approached me and when he got near, he reaches out and touches my skin.
His fingertips were cold, causing goosebumps all over my body. I don't have the energy to stand, much more the energy to sit, so I'm barely holding my breath lying on my own puddle of blood.
Nevertheless, even though I know it's his derision to belittle my feelings.
“I feel sick when I see you.”
My heart still doesn't stop beating hard. Every word from him becomes a sharp dagger to my heart. It gets on my nerves and ecstasy overwhelms me.
I still want you. Even at this moment when you brutally cut me down, I only hope for your love.
“I don't understand why love is like this.”
“......”
“If there is a God of love, I should be grateful.”
Please, please stop. But I couldn't make any noise.
He looked down at me with ridicule, and he continued to laugh and talk smugly.
“Thanks to that, I will be the most powerful emperor in history. The Scherne family will be the first aristocrats to be absorbed into the imperial family, so be honored.”
My clenched fist shook. It's because I'm so stupid, so complacent that I can't see right.
My younger brother, my friends, my predecessors, my father, and everyone...
“If you have any last words, say it now. I think it's a reward for giving me the Scherne family.”
'What do you mean it's the last time?'
His gaze looking down at me was harsh. I struggled to open my mouth. My raw voice had barely able to leak out from the cracks of my dry lips.
“…It will be.”
I swear you will go through this, too. Even if it's not from my own hands.
What I truly hope is for you to feel torment, to understand what I've been through. May you realize even a little how cruel things you have done to me.
“Ugh......”
It was not long before the biting pain spread through my whole body. The blurry afterimage, stained red with my blood, gradually disappeared from my view.
In my hazy vision, a man with exceptionally glassy silver hair was welcoming my death with emotionless eyes.
That was the last thing I saw before it all went dark.
* * *
I couldn't see anything. I've been in solitude that seemed like I was trapped in a pit with no escape. But this was better. If I knew that death was a peaceful thing like this, I should have died sooner.
Life passed by like a kaleidoscope. I lived so terribly hard. In the end, I didn't get anything.
I don't think I've ever been as happy as when I won the throne of the Empress. My heart was thrilled that I obtained the seat next to him.
I expected that even if I don't get to win his heart right away, I will naturally win it over time and live happily ever after. It was a simple and stupid idea.
I loved him, and he hated me. No, did I have feelings of hate?
I remember everything he said and did, even his breathing. He couldn't even remember my name properly. It was a reality that cruelly crushed me above all else.
I should have realized.
Even at the time when we're still engaged, he treated me worse than the pebble on the street. He didn't even go to the bed on our first night. He also showed disgust at my sorrowful tears.
I will never win his heart.
However, the time that has passed would not return, and the regret was meaningless now that everything was lost. In my next life, I will never become miserable.
It was time to accept death and laid down all my heart's regrets.
“...... Milady......! Milady......!”
Suddenly, I felt a bright light as if someone had pierced the ceiling above the pit of death. The voice of a living person hovered in my ear. No, that voice was from someone I knew very well. If my predictions are correct, no way......
“Madam Giselle......?”
While frowning at the dazzling sunlight digging in my eyes, the owner of the voice was recognizable. The woman in front of me has small wrinkles around the eyes wearing the familiar scent of forget-me-not, and the soft corners of her mouth.
She, who had passed away five years ago, was looking straight at me in the eye.
“Yes, milady?”
“I guess I really came to the underworld......”
With a light smile, I reached out and gently stroked her face. Only after death do we meet again like this. I wonder if I came to Heaven to see Madame Giselle who cherished me all my life in the dazzling light.
Tears welled up in my eyes. Now I realize that I'm really dead. One side of my chest was burning intensely as if I'm alive.
“What rubbish are you talking about? Did you have a weird dream?”
I missed even the way she looked down at me like I was weird and speaking without a filter. Still, you won't be lonely anymore.
"Milady! I don't have time to do this, so wake up!”
“Madam Giselle......”
"Yes?"
“I was lonely.”
Tears obscured my vision.
There were only strangers in the palace, which became my home, and after even Madame Giselle left me, it was a thorny path that seemed I die every day.
Nevertheless, I like seeing that person even from a distance, so I sometimes feel the cruel excitement when we eat together. I couldn't bring myself to leave.
I really, really had a hard time.
“Oh, Milady, you can’t cry. If you cry, your makeup will be smeared! Oh my, I'm in trouble!”
Gisele's arms that hugged me were really warm. I liked the tiny sound of patting on my back. Enough to not hear any disturbances around me.
“What in the hell did you dream to cry so loudly? Today is the day of milady's much-awaited debut."
“It's not a dream. Just... It was too hard...... No, what—?”
It was those moments when I naturally answered her questions. However, the words she uttered behind had almost passed right through my ear. What did she say, my debut day?
"Yes? Why are you asking so suddenly? You couldn't have forgotten that today is the day of our milady's debut. We are riding the carriage. Oh! look at me, I forgot we've already arrived. I've been forgotten things these days since I'm old now.”
Madame Giselle's quick tone was also heard after a long time. But more importantly, why am I here?
When I woke up and looked around, this was a place I knew very well. The inside was covered in pink, white leather sofas and round windows decorated with finely carved gold.
The carriage that I used before becoming the empress. Why am I riding a carriage that I have already sold? I don't suppose this carriage is going to the underworld with us.
“No, no. We don't have the time to be talking about myself, milady. Have you calmed down a bit? You'll be late like this. Hurry and let's get off!”
She said in a hurry, thinking to herself about all kinds of things. Before long, the door of the carriage opened, and a bright light filled the inside of the carriage.
“Milady, let’s get off now.”
The footman reached out from outside the carriage. I grabbed the hand and got off, and I couldn't shut my gaping mouth in awe.
Is this really the place where people will come when they die?
Young aristocrats are busily talking about fashion as they're walking past the row of carriages. Women with their variety of colorful shoes step out of the carriages while being escorted by different men.
And this building towering in front of me.
The center of the capital, a place where only selected nobles can come and go, the place where I debuted at the age of 17.
“Chapellesé Hall......?”
A majestic structure towering over in the middle of a large square. It was the Chapellesé Hall, even if I rub my eyes and look again. What in the heavens.....!
“On the day of your debut, you should be the prettiest, but your makeup has been smudged a little, so I feel so upset. Still, you're the prettiest girl here. Don't get frustrated, so go in now.”
Madame Giselle, who was fixing my makeup, gave me a warm smile and pushed my back slightly.
At the moment, the deja vu has taken place. Her smile that I see at this point, the sense of this corset that tightens my body, the passionate red dress. Indeed, it was horrifyingly identical to the unforgettable day of my debut.
Madame Giselle excitedly urging me to enter as I staggered and slowly moved, still in a daze.
This can't be happening.
“Lady Reina Charles Scherne, daughter of Duke of Scherne is entering!”
As I approached the door, the Knights at the entrance confirmed my identity made way, and when I entered the banquet hall, the herald banged the stick to announce my presence. Yes, I remember all of this.
When I entered the banquet hall like this, everyone's eyes turned to me. However, from the moment I entered, I didn't know that my eyes would be taken by only one person.
Gorgeous silver hair that stands out from the far end of my vision. The attraction was so intense that I couldn't even think to look elsewhere. If there is destiny in this world, he would be that destiny. It was the very moment when I felt that way.
My eyes unwittingly went to where he was. Will he be there again this time? How would I feel if I see him again?
Resentment? Fear? Or a fateful attraction like I felt at that time?
'......!'
After all, he was in the same position as then. In an instant, an intense feeling like lightning was flowing through my body penetrated me.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment