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The fishy blood drops that cut me casually are still standing in front of my eyes, and the warmth of my hands that hit me hard on the cheek is vivid, and I hate him because I can't hate him.
My heart beats like hell again just because I've read a few words of love. The ecstasy of confusion that called my name is deeply embedded in my mind and beautifully painted like a picture.
He's a completely different man here than I used to know. No, just because his feelings for me have changed.
If he was the same as in the past, he could live with a strong heart and hate him. You can gradually forget how passionately you loved him.
What if you confess your love to me now?
His long-cherished love was so easily captured in my hands. His desperate love confession is now mine. It's something I've been hoping for and hoping for, even though I've been tearing my heart out like that's what I've been waiting for.
"Why."
Why on earth.
"I'm glad……."
I don't.
Maybe I let him go the moment his blade cut a life. I was going to give up all my false hopes and rest in peace. I've been reaching the end of my crouching heart.
He twists the thread again, barely holding the end of the knot. The fear of death covers me just by facing him, and the mere thought of him burns my heart black with countless moments of pain.
Nevertheless, his silvery hair tickles my heart brilliantly, and his eyes, as brilliant as the moonlight that engulfed the sun, attract me as if they were absorbing me with breathtaking attraction, what should I do in the pit of this love and hatred?
Revenge? Holding his heart against me and hurting him the same way?
Love? I love him for the rest of my life, happy to win his heart that I longed for?
Hate? Hate and curse him for the cruel trampling of my past love?
"Funny sound."
I don't do any of these three things right. All these emotions shake me up, and the more I face him, the more I fall into a swamp of misery.
Let's forget him.
Let's clean him out of my life to live again, just as I cut him off a little at the moment of death. Let's no longer think about him and fret, beg for his love, or spend time trying to sort out these confusing feelings.
In the past, I've never tried to forget him. I didn't stop loving him because I believed he was my destiny, and I was sure I'd win his love one day.
But now I will live differently. Now that I have sent all my emotions to death, I will live a new life. I'll never get involved with him.
It would never be easy to forget him who loved him all his life, but there was no other way. I'm going to be happy. And I can't be happy with him.
"Lady, are you awake?”
Suddenly, careful Lisa's voice came from outside the door. Yeah, she said in a refreshing voice to me, answering low.
"Lord Nicholas is here.”
"Tell them to come in."
It was quite common for Nicholas to visit me in the morning. You can tell her to come down for breakfast, but he used to come to wake me up in person like this.
"Good morning, sister!"
"Yes, Nicholas, good morning."
Nicholas, who entered the room after the door opened, was lively. Slowly he lifted himself out of bed and replied with a smile to his greeting.
"My brother left early in the morning, so we had breakfast together."
"I see."
Brother Alec was also used to going out of work early in the morning, so I nodded nonchalantly.
Nicholas's brightly smiling purple hair was somehow more neatly arranged today.
"You've been pretty since morning!”
Slowly brushing his disheveled red hair in front of the mirror, Nicholas facing through the mirror smiled deftly in admiration. What? It's new.
"What's this morning?"
"Vitien cream soup. I made a special order.”
Nicholas, who beats his chest a couple of times as if he was proud, burst into a low laugh because he was cute, but I soon opened my mouth when I came up with something.
"Oh, but the vitien cream soup...….”
"What?"
"Didn't Alex tell you not to eat breakfast?”
With his right hand on his chest as if to show respect, hardened Nicholas opened his mouth. His clear grape-colored eyes, wide open, soon shook violently.
"Nu…Nu…Nu…"…sister……."
"……Huh?"
Standing still blankly like a statue, he called me in a trembling voice. Oh, Nicholas.
"Well... what should I do...…?”
Well, you're not too happy to see Brother Alec breaking the question.
"You're not going to die... are you?”
His complexion was as pale as death. That's how scary it is to see angry Brother Alec even with his eyes alone, Nicholas is about to cry. No, sometimes I really burst into tears.
Nicholas isn't such a pushover either. He is so cute that he pretends to be a noble lord in front of others. Oh, that's not the point.
"……Sister……?"
Nicholas called me in with a still bluish face, whether he knew I was lost in thought.
Well, you want me to say something to Alex, but I'm scared of him, too.
"Nicholas."
"What?"
"……Good work."
I patted him a couple of times around his shoulder instead of another horse.
"Nicholas, I don't think that's going to solve this...….”
"Well, I'll still try my best.…!”
"I just want to be honest with you...….”
"Oh, that's two bundles."
He, who was drooping in front of me and crying, said in a cold manner in a blink of an eye.
The trader, who naturally accepted his attitude, wrapped two reddish vegetables in his order.
Nicholas, who calmly accepted the vegetables handed over with both hands, handed a silver coin to the merchant. It was a callous attitude that might seem arrogant. After getting the change, he took a step and opened his mouth again toward me.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to buy two more. Thank you for coming with me, sister."
"Well, no, I could get in trouble with you, but...….”
"I'll take responsibility if that happens! Just make sure!"
I'm sorry but it wasn't reliable at all for Nicholas, clapping his chest with his hand holding a vegetable envelope.
Well, I don't think Nicholas can stop Alex's anger.
Nicholas, next to him, was checking the list of ingredients he had written down on the paper, nodding his head. What kind of soup has so many ingredients in it?
Yeah, let me tell you what happened.
This morning Nicholas, terrified of breaking Brother Alec's words, just began to flounder.
There was a reason why Brother Alec told us not to eat vitien soup in the morning.
In other words, there have been more cases of getting sick after eating Biteang, which accounts for the largest portion of making Biteang soup.
In particular, if you eat on an empty stomach, you may not only suffer for a few days, so I'll tell the cook, but if he forgets, don't eat it.
I don't think the cook will forget, but he could make a mistake because it's a bit of a soup he used to eat almost every morning. And Nicholas, too, made a mistake like this.
As I said earlier, Brother Alec is particularly strict with Nicholas. It is Brother Alec who is generous to other users of the mansion, including me, but does not tolerate an inch of error for Nicholas.
Brother Alec repeatedly said that if you make a mistake, you should fix it. So now I and Nicholas are out in the middle of the market to pick up the pieces of Vitien Soup.
The users were asked to make a new request and handled it well without eating the vitien soup, but Nicholas, who was anxious, insisted that even the ingredients should be completely supplemented.
Brother Alec told me to check the ingredients, but Nicholas couldn't stand it because he was nervous. I felt so sorry for Nicholas that I finally decided to join him in his patch-up.
In fact, I don't think it's going to be very successful, but if Nicholas gets a little comfort from it...….
"Oh, now I have one more thing to buy! That's it."
"Nicholas, why don't you just tell Alec the truth? I didn't eat it anyway, I just forgot for a second."
"Sister, you're kidding me...You don't know how scary you are. Oh, I'm getting nervous again."
I whispered to Nicholas, who was smiling with a relieved look, and he quickly became intimidated again.
Oh, I feel sorry for you. There's nothing I can do. Yeah, Alec, I'm afraid of him.
Looking at Nicholas with a pitiful look, he was walking around the complex market barrel, and there was dull friction with someone's shoulder with a snap.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
He apologized briefly because he didn't use honorifics recklessly, and then rewrote the hood that had fallen from his hair. I used to bump into people often because of the brown hood that was half blocking my view.
Still, no one came violently against Nicholas' glossy purple hair next to me and the aristocratic atmosphere that curled his whole body from head to toe. The noble movement of aristocratic spirituality was never obscured, even though I was also covered.
In the first place, noble lady rarely came directly to such a market, but she still appeared occasionally. Young lady, who is not wearing a hoodie, was also seen a lot.
I tried not to wear a hood because I felt uncomfortable, but I ended up wrapping myself around Nicholas' torch. Oh, really. It's uncomfortable.
Snap-
Someone grabbed me by the wrist as I was about to follow Nicholas again. A mighty force that can never escape. However, it was a delicate grasp as if he had a piece of glass that seemed to crumble at any momentarily.
I turned around reflexively. The moment when the hood, which was half-blind, flowed down as I moved.
‘……!’
The one I was so eager to forget was in my sight. Archaeology used to glow with all the light in the world. The glare in the ecstasy penetrated me.
I couldn't have recognized him, who had been chasing him for half his life, even though he was wrapped all over with a brown hood like me.
The brilliance that reflects everything even undercover. Surprised, the silver lake was burning hot as if it had flashed at me. In that transparent brilliance, I was speechless.
It was the same for him.
"……Lady Reina?"
It felt like the world had stopped for a moment. Everyone's busy moving, and I only have that in my sight. Perhaps I was more surprised because of the sudden meeting, but it was a different kind of sinking than when I saw him in my room the other day.
"Oh, no... How can…… no…… this kind of thing...….”
His eyes trembled with deep confusion as if embarrassed as I was. Unlike the words that he always said in a calm and cool manner, his disoriented voice only floated in the air.
I still felt the cold warmth wrapped around my wrist. My chest was blocked in the breathtaking air. At the same time, my whole body shook violently.
He, who would not have recognized me before the regression, is now at a loss, embarrassed that he came across me.
Yeah, let's not be swayed. The man I loved and the man I am now are both different people and the same person. This man's love is not what I wanted and I didn't know which way to repeat it. I have to push him away.
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